How to Get a Big Project in 24 Hours or Less

As with most big problems, getting a big project can be broken down into 3 smaller problems. While this doesn't make it any easier to solve, you now have more problems. Since most reviews are based on how many problems you solved during the past year, this will probably help keep you from being invited onstage during the annual employee sacrifice.

Also, smaller problems can be delegated to your minions allowing you to spread accountability over a much larger area. After multiple delegations the fabric of accountability will be stretched so thin that when, eventually, things start going south* it will be difficult to find out where the tear started.

In the highly likely event that none of these three steps solve your problem or help shovel responsibility into your neighbor's cubicle consider entering our annual goat-look-a-like contest.

1. Creating the need - when it comes to software features, wishes can be horses that beggars can't fly. In other words, they needn't make sense. Your accounting software may do that thing it is supposed to do yearly but does it allow you to "friend" your accountant?

2. Budget - For non-monopoly players a reliable strategy is to issue promissory notes for imaginary savings from unrealized potential. Monopoly players are the harder to convince, especially if the budget is over $20,580. A good strategy here is to give up and delegate.

Note - while a recent study suggests that clients are more likely to invest in a new project if you say you are losing money on it, we're not sure whether to trust this; they apparently lost a lot of money conducting that study.

3. The illusion of competence - extended discussions on skill-sets and capability are kryptonite to getting a new project. Showing clients new websites in advance and speculating on how it could have been implemented (this one uses AJAX with a dash of Java, so I'm pretty sure it'll go well with a side of JQuery) is a proven variation of the "When you can't defend, attack" strategy that might help.

* unless of course your project involves moving something south. In which case things will probably start going north.